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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Resolution Run 5K

 
Earlier this evening I dressed up for the cold, and took part in the Resolution Run 5K. I had made up my mind one hot July day when I was out walking that this was going to be my goal for the year. My BR surgery totally waylayed any kind of preparation after October, apart from a handful of runs between then and tonight. But here I was, ready to meet my challenge to myself, and I DID IT!

I ran down those miles, and those demons of doubt, disappointment and regret. I pushed through. I ran my fastest mile yet, at 11:18 for my mile 3 split. (I love how the Map My Run app breaks down the run into splits and averages and so forth.). That mile hurt! I was keeping pace with another lady, who remained just a few feet in front of me. She was determined to not allow herself to be passed by me. She must have been tired, because she kept alternating between running and walking, but I just couldn't get enough 'oomph' in my step to pass her. It must have spurred me to run as hard as I did.

I reached all of my goals:
1. Finish.
2. Don't hurt myself....Although now, a few hours later, I can't walk.... :/
3. At least pass somebody...and I did! The most gratifying pass was a skinny-little-something that must of had noooo stamina because I passed her after the first mile. That felt awesome. Fitness isn't about how you look, but how well you are conditioned!
4. Finish under 45 minutes. I did! 38:25 was my time. I even had enough left in me to sprint the last little bit.
5. It was a goal to run the entire way. I had a nasty cramp develop under my diaphragm at about 1 1/2 miles, and had to slow to a walk for about a half mile so that it could work itself out. I still feel a bit of pain from it, even now... The good news is that after a short rest it felt better, so I picked up my speed and ran for the rest of the race. I am soooo proud of that. It means more to me than if I had run the whole way.

My goal for this coming year is to run a 10K, and improve my time in the 5K.

I hope you were able to meet your exercise goals this year!

Saturday, December 21, 2013

A quiet month...

It's been quiet around here lately. I came off that terrific run while on vacation in OKC, got some actual running shoes and then...nothing. Bitter cold came to stay for a long time, and frozen streets and slippery sidewalks didn't look all that appetizing. I have also been waffling about getting a good sports bra. My PS recommended a sports bra that would mash my chest so tight that nothing moves. Period. Otherwise, I would risk floppity boobs allll over again in a few years. :(. That is all fine and good, but in the meantime, I'm not shelling out $70 bucks on a bra when I have no idea what size to get. Finally, after a long, long ten weeks of waiting and recovery, I feel like my new girls may have settled on a size and I hopped online and gave Amazon a little business a couple days ago. They're hurting for customers this time of year, you know... I chose an Enell bra, based on reviews from other mother-runners who had been through the enlargement/lift/reduction/reconstruction ordeal. It looks like a evil-constrictive thing, which is exactly what the doctor ordered. It has a front closure, with about eight hooks. Geesh! It is on it's way, and I can't wait to try it out. In the meantime, I'm TRIPLING the sports bras when I go out. That is the only way it is semi-comfortable.

 

So far, I am absolutely thrilled with the results of my breast reduction. I *think* my right side is about a C, and the left is still making up it's mind. Probably a D, which means I will have to go with a D cup bra. I hope that with another 25 pounds or so of weight loss, this might change. Most likely not, since most of what is left is glandular tissue. They feel pretty solid, although the left side is considerably more squishy. I am happy to report that, as of this week, I am finally 100% scab free. The scars are really red and noticeable, it will take a years' time for them to fade as far as they conceivably will. Which isn't much. Things still hurt - any kind of bounce when I have little or no support is painful. But I can bound up the stairs or drive down a bumpy road and weather it just fine when wearing a bra. I can whole-heartedly say that this was the best decision I ever made. I feel like a new person! Years of self-loathing have sloughed away...I wish I had done this sooner, but with the pregnancies and everything, that would not have made sense.

 

I am also happy to report that despite a solid ten weeks of very minimal activity, my weight has only fluctuated by two pounds. And I've put away an OBSCENE amount of Christmas cookies in the past couple weeks alone! Maintaining has always been my biggest worry, and so far, so good. But now I am ready to start pushing hard again. Really, really hard. Like Jillian Michaels in-your-face hard. I make the kids exercise with me during commercials. I park in farthest spot I can. I've revamped my playlist. I'm running a 5K in T-minus 9 days! Aack!

Monday, November 25, 2013

The best run EVER...

It's been 46 days since my surgery, and 47 days since the last time I ran. That run had been my best run in years! (And, sadly, the farthest I had run in years). I ran just over a mile, and it felt smooth and...loose? The kind of feeling where your stride has a good cadence, you body carriage feels controlled yet you can make minute adjustments at ease... It just felt really good. I think I could have kept going that day.

Yesterday, I finally ran again. It was 32 degrees out. Cold. Like, humid cold. Oklahoma cold. Dean and I were walking the neighborhood, and I suggested running down the length of a long, straight street. We ran. I told him I had to keep it slow - VERY slow, so I wouldn't bounce anything that wouldn't react well to bouncing - like sutures, 6 weeks after surgery.

You know what? Those first few strides hurt. They really hurt. Things moved around a bit anyway. (Note to self - time to get a fitted sports bra in the new size. Not that I know what that size will be, because it changes on a daily basis.). But then after that...it kind of actually felt good. I held my upper body a little tighter than I should.. Maybe squeezed my arms inward a bit to protect what I could...but at the end of the street, I felt like I wanted more.

Dean was cold (silly man - only packed thin exercise shorts), so we swung by the house (the inlaws, where we are staying) and he stayed behind, and I grabbed my headphones. I walked for one song, and then my feet just started running. It was not a conscious decision. I ran, and ran, and ran. It. Felt. Awesome. I relaxed my upper body a bit..and then my arms. Hey!? This actually doesn't hurt! I don't feel bounce! Let me repeat that - I DIDN'T BOUNCE! For a person who is recovering from a breast reduction - this is huge. For the first time in 20+ years, it didn't hurt. It didn't look awkward, feel awkward...I was just your average runner, blending in.

I ran just over two miles. I ran two miles (in addition to the quarter mile Dean and I ran) and I daresay, I could have run more. I had a good pace (10 minute mile), I wasn't cold, the neighborhood streets were quiet, with almost no patches of ice. I got my bearings in this brand new neighborhood our inlaws moved to, and I ran in sort of a circle. I cried the last half mile - tears of happiness, not pain. I felt like I had triumphed over a nasty personal demon that has haunted me for years. I even picked up the pace at the end, for a strong finish.

Since the surgery, I have only seemed to manage three extended walks - each only slightly more energetic than the last. I've had excuses aplenty - pain, discomfort, being sick, too cold outside... So I have lost a bit of the conditioning I had built up since July. But it blows me away that out of the blue I could manage to run so well. I know that the change in altitude from Colorado to Oklahoma has everything to do with it. I plan to continue to take full advantage of it for the rest of our stay.

This also means that running a 5K on NYE is totally feasible - so I'm in!!!!!!

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

One month post BR

It's been one month (almost 5 weeks) since my reduction surgery.  Healing is going well.  I still have a couple of open spots, but they are coming along.  I am very thankful that no complications have arisen yet.  I am on a BR forum, and there are several women who have not been so lucky.  I don't know exactly how things went wrong in their cases, but in several cases it is due to the patient being a smoker.  Wound recovery can be a huge deal in the case of a BR.  I mean, we're talking an average of 30 inches of incisions - and six different points of intense stress on the sutures.

After looking at hundreds of different outcomes, I can rest very assured that I came out smelling like roses.  Nothing is looking off in unwanted directions, things are even, proportionate and healing.  I feel very lucky.  I did research my PS, (but perhaps not as well as I could have/should have), and he did an excellent job - no complaints.   In hindsight, the best advice I can give to anyone thinking about getting a breast reduction is to arm yourself as much as you can with research about the procedure, the risks, the surgeon, the methodologies, the recovery and so forth.  Go armed with realistic expectations, a firm idea about what end result you expect, and a list of questions particular to your case.

I am feeling pretty good.  I guess I am experiencing less back pain - I just need to really work on my posture.  There has been no change in my shoulder indentations.  I wonder if they will ever go away?  Things are beginning to settle, there is less swelling - one side more than the other, and a little less discomfort.  I feel like I have an extremely tight underwire bra on, at all times.  Of course I am not wearing one (hope I never have to again), but the incisions feel that way.  I still have a rather painful opening on my left side, where my incision begins, right at band height.  It is about the size of a nickel.  It is so slow in healing - I am feeling a bit frustrated with that.

I went for my first all-out walk yesterday, and it felt...okay.  There is some 'bounce' now, and that doesn't feel so good...  But it certainly is not anything like it used to be.  It just feels so good to get out and moving again.

I didn't do a weigh-in post last week since there has been no activity on my part.  I am entering my third week of cold-nastiness.  I'm in the last stage of the frustrating crap that never seems to leave your lungs, but I have my energy back so I am moving again!  The great news is that even after five weeks of relative ZERO activity, I've moved down the scale 5 lbs.  Okay... 3.1 lbs of that was 'boob', but the other bit I'll take as a gift, because I certainly didn't earn it.

I went to my family doctor last Monday because I had come down with pink eye - yay!  :( - and the intake nurse did my usual height/weight/temp/BP.... I'm down 20 lbs...and my doctor makes no mention of this.  Surely you would think they would say something?  Even if just to make sure that you were losing weight intentionally (and in a safe way) and not because of some underlying condition?  Hmmm.  I have my actual annual physical next week, maybe she will say something about it then.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Weekly Weigh-in: WEEK 12

 

 

Starting weight: 192.0 lbs

 

Week 1 weight: 190.5 lbs (loss of 1.5)

Week 2 weight: 188.0 lbs (loss of 2.5)
Week 3 weight: 187.0 lbs (loss of 1.0)
Week 4 weight: 186.0 lbs (loss of 1.0)
Week 5 weight: 184.0 lbs (loss of 2.0)
Week 6 weight: 181.3 lbs (loss of 2.7)
Week 7 weight: 179.4 lbs (loss of 1.9)
Week 8 weight: 179.6 lbs (gain of 0.2)
Week 9 weight: 179.0 lbs (loss of 0.6)
Week 10 weight: 177.1 lbs (loss of 1.9)
Week 11 weight: 176.0 lbs (loss of 1.1)
(two week break for surgery)
Week 12 weight: 171.6 lbs (loss of 4.4)

Total loss: 20.4 lbs

 

 

Week 1 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 2 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 3 inches lost: 1.25"
Week 4 inches lost: 1.5"
Week 5 inches lost: 1.5"
Week 6 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 7 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 8 inches lost: 0"
Week 9 inches lost: 0.25"
Week 10 inches lost: 1.0"
Week 11 inches lost: 1.0"
(two week break for surgery)
Week 12 inches lost: 3.75"

Total loss: 13.25"

 

Week 1 Steps/Miles: 106,731 / 45.89 mi.

Week 2 Steps/Miles: 109,858 / 48.48 mi.
Week 3 Steps/Miles: 102,225 / 50.13 mi.
Week 4 Steps/Miles/Running: 104,213 / 49.63 mi. walking and 1.6 mi. running!!
Week 5 Steps/Miles/Running: 96,139 / 47.10 mi. walking and 0 mi. running
Week 6 Steps/Miles/Running: 99,991/ 49.01 mi. walking and 0.5 mi. running
Week 7 Steps/Miles/Running: 83,568/ 40.92 mi. walking and 0 mi. running
Week 8 Steps/Miles/Running: 57,164/ 27.99 mi. walking and 0 mi. running
Week 9 Steps/Miles/Running: 77,896/ 38.76 mi. walking and 0 mi. running
Week 10 Steps/Miles/Running: 80,376/ 39.60 mi. walking and 1.9 mi. running
Week 11 Steps/Miles/Running: 49,679/ 24.32 mi. walking and 0.8 mi. running
(two week break for surgery - still on activity restriction for 4 additional weeks)
Week 12 Steps/Miles/Running: 45,651/ 22.35 mi. walking and 0 mi. running

 

Week 1 avg. calorie intake: 1,955

Week 2 avg. calorie intake: 1,621 (much better - I met this week's goal!)
Week 3 avg. calorie intake: 1,823 (yikes!)
Week 4 avg. calorie intake: 1,745
Week 5 avg. calorie intake: 1,579
Week 6 avg. calorie intake: 1,603
Week 7 avg. calorie intake: 1,613
Week 8 avg. calorie intake: 1,539
Week 9 avg. calorie intake: 1,564
Week 10 avg. calorie intake: 1,523
Week 11 avg. calorie intake: did not track
Week 12 avg. calorie intake: did not track

 

Moment(s) I am proud of:


First - Fit bit sent me THIS: :)

Thanks Fit bit! I love the weekly overview emails, and the congratulatory emails you receive when you hit a milestone...


Second, I tried on my wedding dress that I wore on our wedding day - July 24th, 2005. It fit! I weighed 165 then, so I am very, very close. Why did I try it on? Well, I need to wear it in the beginning of December when Dean and I DANCE in the Nutcracker!!!!!! EEEEK! We are playing the part of one of the couples in the party scene in Act 1. The performance attire for the ladies is an evening gown. Technically, that is what my wedding dress is. Since it was my second marriage, I didn't go all out with a fancy gown (been there/done that), so I opted for an ivory cocktail dress with a stoll. Turns out, it is perfect for the performance! Now I just have to figure out how to dance in heels. I've been cooking this up since August, when the plea for parent participants went out to all families of the dance academy, so I knew this was looming. It has been a very good motivator for me, actually.

Third, I'm having to start taking in some clothes. I'm not ready to go out clothes shopping yet. My breasts are still very swollen, and I still have 20 more pounds to go to get to my goal. I may have to go to the second hand store to buy a few things to get me by.

 

Nutritional changes/observations: I am not tracking still... But I need to be. This is the habit that is the hardest to keep going. Water, water, water. I think that the biggest reason I am having an issue with swelling is that I am not drinking enough water. In the 2-3 days after the surgery, I could not get enough. Then after that, I backed off considerably. Not a good thing...

 

 

What hurts: My boobs are still very, very sore. I have paper tape over 80% of my incisions, the rest is still in the process of scabbing up. Everything is closed up so I don't have any more seepage, but some of the scab areas are quite large - dime size. I don't react well to paper tape - there is something in the adhesive that irritates my skin, so I will need to go back to the PS tomorrow to purchase some scar serum that they recommended. If I use that serum, I don't have to wear the tape. I did go without the tape a day ago, and I felt ....vulnerable?? Like if I stretched above my head I would rip something open. There are also bruises still fading and new ones appearing, so I feel tender. I officially 'walked' twice last week. The first one, at the beginning of the week was a rather short one - I got tired very quickly, and the second sports bra was adding an incredible amount of uncomfortable compression. My second walk was yesterday, and it felt much better. I noticed no 'huffing' in my breath as I moved. Before, the boob bounce would actually make me huff with each step. Now there is nothing!! :)

 

 

Confessional: Halloween Candy? The good thing is that I have not purchased ANY! (self back pat...) The bad thing is I was with my family last night watching my nephew in a marching band competition, and I was downing candy right and left every time a bag was passed down the row. I completely ignored the snacks I brought with me to avoid the candy in the first place...

 

 

Deep thoughts from exercise delirium:

 

 

My goal for next week: Get a walk in - no matter how short - every day.

 

Thursday, October 17, 2013

One Week post BR recovery..

I am not going to sugar-coat this and say this surgery was a breeze, and I feel sooo much better and unicorns and rainbows and glitter dust and blah blah blah...

Bullshit.

This is by far the crappiest thing I have ever put my body through.  Sorry body.  You're doing awesome considering what you have been through....  Only a few more weeks of this, I swear!

I am going to say that - for my case (because everybody is different) - my surgeon did exactly what I wanted him to, which is why it has been so tough.  I said I wanted high and tight.  No jiggle.  No sag.  No overhang.  And that is exactly what he did.  I now have a new understanding of what tight means.  Tight (when swollen) means no stretching, coughing, sneezing, laughing, lifting (anything!).  High means I still have a place to rest my plate when eating on the couch.  :(

So how do I feel?

Everything hurts.  I have a sharp pain on each side, like a knife is sticking into my ribcage.  My PS tells me this is because he removed fat in that area right down to the muscle.  It will be extra sore there for a while yet.  My incision is long.  The tail ends of it dip below the bra line on either side.  So it hurts to lean against my side - like on the couch or something.  The incision runs across my chest, following the contours of the underside of my breasts.  I have to wear maxi pads as padding along the band of my stretchy sports bra.  The incisions also run up the underside of each breast and circle around each nipple.  One side has been oozing since surgery day.  I have to wear pads along that incision line too.  I have surgical tape covering all of these incisions, but yesterday the PS removed the tape on both sides that runs between the bra line and the nipple because there were some yellow spots appearing.  Now I just have gauze taped in place there that I need to change out every 8 hours.  I am numb on both sides, in the same area.  If you were looking at two clocks side-by-side, it would be like 3-6 and 6-9, L to R.  I have zingers all the time, or the sensation that the entire area is clenching in a muscle spasm, and then it releases.  Weird and painful at the same time.

How do I look?

Well... a lot different, that's for sure.  You know the pencil test you used to do in Jr. High?  Before surgery I could hold NINE pencils.  Yes, that's right.  NINE.  Now?  None.  I don't think I will ever be able to hold one again!  The 36" sports bra stretches around me just fine, and compresses things just the right amount.  They are definitely perky.  Like permanently perky.  Like - put those things AWAY perky.  This bothers me.  I know that they are very swollen as well though, so I hope that they relax... a lot.  For now, though, I would look right at home in an eighteenth century brothel.

My take on meds:

arnica montana: despite copious amounts of arnica montana, the swelling has only lessened here and there - and then only temporarily.  It has helped with the bruising, so yes, arnica montana gets a thumbs up from me.  I didn't start taking it until day three because I forgot to.  :(

Hydrocodone: I've been taking 2 every 6 hours or so since arriving home.  One time I think I made it 8 hours before I needed it.  I tried to go without yesterday, because Dean needs to get back to work and I can't/shouldn't drive while taking this stuff.  So yesterday I made the break and I took Tylenol all day.  It was a long, uncomfortable day.  At three this morning I broke down and took two.  The pain was bad and there is no reason to suffer.  I feel sort of out of it while on this stuff, so this whole week has been hazy, but I've also been able to keep the homeschooling wheels grinding and remind Dean of when the next kid delivery to an activity was, so it was not like I was a total zombie.  But I know I shouldn't drive on this stuff.  It has also not helped with the constipation issue.  I am going to go back to Tylenol, and only use this stuff when I absolutely need it.  Surely the pain will decrease in the next few days...

Dulocolax - 10 pills over 6 days did absolutely nothing.  :(

Magnesium citrate - One dose plus 14 hours of waiting time (!) did finally produce results.  I would not recommend waiting 6 days to use it.  It was a long, miserable week.

Florastor - I am taking this to counteract the 7 day antibiotic I am on.  I hope it works.

So, I just plan to keep plugging along.  Next week Dean is at work again, so it will be a lot tougher.  I hope I have a weekend of miracle-like healing...

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Surgery and the first day of recovery...

The night before surgery was hard.  It was hard to kiss and hug the kids goodnight because I would be leaving for the hospital with my mom before they got up that next morning.  The surgery center itself was great.  I wasn't nervous about what was about to happen, but I was nervous about something going wrong, or having a bad reaction to something.  None of that was the case - at least so far.

The PS removed 630g from my left and a whopping 818g from the right (that's just over 3 lbs total).  And I am pretty sure most of that was side boob because that is where I hurt the most right now... :( It took me nearly four hours to get through recovery.  The nurse kept pushing the pain meds through my IV, which would, in turn, make me sleepy, so it was hard to rouse me.  Dean kept pushing the ice chips, crackers and apple juice and I finally I woke up enough and had enough in my stomach that she could give me a pain pill and I could go home.  I slept off and on for the rest of the day.  I was bound very, very tightly, and the dressings were shoved under my boobs so much that what boob was left was practically touching my chin.  Okay - maybe a slight exaggeration, but if your to squeeze your boobs together from the sides and then push them up, that was how I was bound.  It was hard to breathe.

I am to be drinking water constantly to flush the anesthesia out of my system, but that is not so hard because one of my meds is giving me cotton-mouth anyway.  I'm not nauseous for the most part, thanks to a anti-nausea patch they put behind my ear. I'm still a bit unsteady on my feet, so as long as I am laying down (I have to recline at 45 degrees for a couple of weeks), everything is fine.  As soon as I sit or stand up, the pain along my incisions is very intense.  The pain meds can only do so much...

I have seen them - I went to the PS yesterday for my post-op, and the nurse unbound me and checked all of the incisions.  I looked in the mirror.  They will be the perfect size once the swelling subsides.  I thought that I would cry tears of joy when I saw them, but the reality hasn't sunk in yet.  They hurt too much to appreciate what has happened...  Right now they are so swollen that they are rock-hard.  The nurse helped me put on a sports bra that I got at Walmart.  She had suggested getting a front closure that doesn't have molded cups.  There are no cup sizes for this particular bra, just a band size (I got a 36).  When I had purchased this bra, I said to myself, "You've got to be kidding me..."  I'm actually going to FIT into this thing???  Lo' and behold, I did!  It is very tight (because of the swelling) but that is a good thing, because compression will help.  I have two maxi pads in each side, running in opposite directions to cover the incision lines, plus a rolled up wad of gauze shoved into each side, under the arm pit, to keep my boobs pushed forward.  That is what is most uncomfortable right now.  I look like a linebacker...  I have to keep those gauze rolls in there for two weeks.  :(

Today I get to take a shower and just rest up...

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Weekly Weigh-in: WEEK 11

 
 

 
 
Starting weight: 192.0  lbs
 
Week 1 weight: 190.5 lbs (loss of 1.5)
Week 2 weight: 188.0 lbs (loss of 2.5)
Week 3 weight: 187.0 lbs (loss of 1.0)
Week 4 weight: 186.0 lbs (loss of 1.0)
Week 5 weight: 184.0 lbs (loss of 2.0)
Week 6 weight: 181.3 lbs (loss of 2.7)
Week 7 weight: 179.4 lbs (loss of 1.9)
Week 8 weight: 179.6 lbs (gain of 0.2)
Week 9 weight: 179.0 lbs (loss of 0.6)
Week 10 weight: 177.1 lbs (loss of 1.9)
Week 11 weight: 176.0 lbs (loss of 1.1)

Total loss: 16.0 lbs
 
 
Week 1 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 2 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 3 inches lost: 1.25"
Week 4 inches lost: 1.5"
Week 5 inches lost: 1.5"
Week 6 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 7 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 8 inches lost: 0"
Week 9 inches lost: 0.25"
Week 10 inches lost: 1.0"
Week 11 inches lost: 1.0"

Total loss: 9.5"

 
Week 1 Steps/Miles: 106,731 / 45.89 mi.
Week 2 Steps/Miles: 109,858 / 48.48 mi.
Week 3 Steps/Miles: 102,225 / 50.13 mi.
Week 4 Steps/Miles/Running: 104,213 / 49.63 mi. walking and 1.6 mi. running!!
Week 5 Steps/Miles/Running:   96,139 / 47.10 mi. walking and 0   mi. running
Week 6 Steps/Miles/Running:   99,991/  49.01 mi. walking and 0.5 mi. running
Week 7 Steps/Miles/Running:   83,568/  40.92 mi. walking and 0   mi. running
Week 8 Steps/Miles/Running:   57,164/  27.99 mi. walking and 0   mi. running
Week 9 Steps/Miles/Running:   77,896/  38.76 mi. walking and 0   mi. running
Week 10 Steps/Miles/Running:  80,376/ 39.60 mi. walking and 1.9 mi. running
Week 11 Steps/Miles/Running:  49,679/ 24.32 mi. walking and 0.8 mi. running
 
Week 1 avg. calorie intake: 1,955
Week 2 avg. calorie intake: 1,621  (much better - I met this week's goal!)
Week 3 avg. calorie intake: 1,823  (yikes!)
Week 4 avg. calorie intake: 1,745
Week 5 avg. calorie intake: 1,579
Week 6 avg. calorie intake: 1,603
Week 7 avg. calorie intake: 1,613
Week 8 avg. calorie intake: 1,539
Week 9 avg. calorie intake: 1,564
Week 10 avg. calorie intake: 1,523
Week 11 avg. calorie intake: did not track
 
 
Moment(s) I am proud of: Monday morning (last week) I had my best run yet.  I typically slow down after that first half mile because I feel slightly sick, but this run felt absolutely awesome!!  That was my last run for quite a while... My next run, in maybe about six weeks will feel completely different.  I know that realistically I will feel like I am back at square one endurance wise, but I won't have big boobs bouncing around!!!  Yippee!!
 
 
Nutritional changes/observations: I stopped tracking this week and gave myself permission to eat whatever.  Of course, the first thing I notice is that I immediately go back to the whole bread/potato/rice thing...  I am looking forward to the coming weeks when I can eat clean again.
 
 
What hurts: My boobs are killing me.  That is probably because they know something is up... (muah-ha-ha...)  Just like when the cat scowls at you when she sees you packing a suitcase, my boobs are acting up.  My period is due any day.  I don't think that this surgery could have come at a worse time of the month, but it couldn't be helped.  I usually don't notice any changes in my boobs in relation to my period, other than they are painfully sensitive.  For the past week though, I have been having painful zingers all through my breasts, and they feel like they are on fire!  Oooowwwww...  This is how I am supposed to feel AFTER surgery, not BEFORE.
 
 
Confessional: I ate (a lot...ahem) and I exercised little.  Here is why.  On Monday last week, after I had run my awesome run and was in a great mood, I went to my pre-op appointment with my PS and actually got SCOLDED for losing so much weight.  Yes.  That's right.  I got in trouble for losing weight. 

Can you imagine???

Apparently I am on the borderline as to how much tissue the surgeon can safely remove from each breast.  The insurance company has taken a very hard line on this, and has set a threshold of 600 grams from each breast - which is in excess of what the industry standard is for my BMI.  He is going to have to take a lot.  He was even concerned about this amount back when I weighed 192.  Now I have made it even harder for him....  It is risky because A) I will not be happy with the results.  It will look odd on my body frame to have too-small breasts, and B) If the surgeon removes too much tissue, I am at risk of permanently losing sensation or even my nipple on my smaller breast.  My nipple could turn black and fall off.  I've seen pictures.  It's horrific.  So, we are going into this with the agreement that if he needs to stop short of the amount to keep me happy with the results and keep my breasts safe, so be it.  So I gave myself permission to go hog-wild this past week.  Four pounds later - I feel like a bloated lazy-butt.  I know some of that is fluid-retention from my period.
 
 
Deep thoughts from exercise delirium: Back to that awesome run... it was so good.  I thought about it all week.  I so wanted to do a 5K this coming New Year's Eve, called the Resolution Run.  I ran/walked it 9 years ago, with a friend, and it was such a great experience.  I have thought about that 5K for the past several weeks, actually.  Now I don't know.  It all depends on the recovery.  I can't run for at least 6-8 weeks, so that gives me like zero time to train.  I have decided though that I want to do it for sure, even if I have to walk for most of it.  It was such an awesome goal, I don't want to let it go.  Maybe later in the Spring...
 
 
My goal for next week: I am just focusing on tomorrow (surgery day!!!), and then after that, one day at a time.  I am going to take a break from the weekly updates for the next 2-3 weeks. 

Monday, October 7, 2013

In preparation...

I am finding it difficult to convey the myriad of emotions that is going on in my head right now. I might be looking at you and discussing this or that, but I confess - I am not really present. My mind is somewhere else... At any given moment I am feeling a private kind of terror, a whirlwind of dizzying excitement or absolute disbelief about the upcoming changes that will happen to my body.

Electing to radically change my appearance through surgery makes me feel crazy, hopeful and vain - all at the same time. It will be a tremendous change - both physically and psychologically. I have read countless BR surgical reviews where patients reported that the physical pain/discomfort associated with large breasts (the back, neck, shoulder and head aches) disappeared almost immediately after surgery. I can't wrap my head around that sense of physical freedom that will be mine in just a couple more days, but the thought of it makes me tear up with indescribable joy and gratitude...

Psychologically, I have no regrets about what is to come - no lingering doubt or thoughts that I might miss 'them'. Absolutley not! It is degrading the way some men treat me. My boobs enter the room before I do, and can potentially attract unwanted attention. When I go in for my surgery in a couple days, the surgeon won't be just removing three pounds of breast tissue. He will also be removing years and years and years of teasing, insensitive comments, and feelings of humiliation. I shall bear my new scars with honor, for they will be testament to the fact that I have born this burden for long enough, and that I am worth this gift I can't even begin to put a price on. This isn't about my inability to accept my body as is. This is about taking charge to end the pain, and loving myself enough to take my life in a totally new direction.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

I shall wear purple...

 
 
Yesterday morning, I made my usual pass by the tennis courts in my neighborhood during my walk/run.  There were four elderly ladies there, playing a game of doubles.  I've seen them a handful of times, so they must meet regularly to play.  They are fit and trim and quite good at their game.
 
 
Oh I hope I have that spunk, that life, that mobility when I reach that stage in my life.
 
 


Monday, September 30, 2013

Weekly Weigh-in: WEEK 10

 
 
 
Starting weight: 192.0  lbs
 
Week 1 weight: 190.5 lbs (loss of 1.5)
Week 2 weight: 188.0 lbs (loss of 2.5)
Week 3 weight: 187.0 lbs (loss of 1.0)
Week 4 weight: 186.0 lbs (loss of 1.0)
Week 5 weight: 184.0 lbs (loss of 2.0)
Week 6 weight: 181.3 lbs (loss of 2.7)
Week 7 weight: 179.4 lbs (loss of 1.9)
Week 8 weight: 179.6 lbs (gain of 0.2)
Week 9 weight: 179.0 lbs (loss of 0.6)
Week 10 weight: 177.1 lbs (loss of 1.9)

Total loss: 14.9 lbs
 
 
Week 1 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 2 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 3 inches lost: 1.25"
Week 4 inches lost: 1.5"
Week 5 inches lost: 1.5"
Week 6 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 7 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 8 inches lost: 0"
Week 9 inches lost: 0.25"
Week 10 inches lost: 1.0"

Total loss: 8.5"

 
Week 1 Steps/Miles: 106,731 / 45.89 mi.
Week 2 Steps/Miles: 109,858 / 48.48 mi.
Week 3 Steps/Miles: 102,225 / 50.13 mi.
Week 4 Steps/Miles/Running: 104,213 / 49.63 mi. walking and 1.6 mi. running!!
Week 5 Steps/Miles/Running:   96,139 / 47.10 mi. walking and 0   mi. running
Week 6 Steps/Miles/Running:   99,991/  49.01 mi. walking and 0.5 mi. running
Week 7 Steps/Miles/Running:   83,568/  40.92 mi. walking and 0   mi. running
Week 8 Steps/Miles/Running:   57,164/  27.99 mi. walking and 0   mi. running
Week 9 Steps/Miles/Running:   77,896/  38.76 mi. walking and 0   mi. running
Week 10 Steps/Miles/Running:  80,376/ 39.60 mi. walking and 1.9 mi. running
 
Week 1 avg. calorie intake: 1,955
Week 2 avg. calorie intake: 1,621  (much better - I met this week's goal!)
Week 3 avg. calorie intake: 1,823  (yikes!)
Week 4 avg. calorie intake: 1,745
Week 5 avg. calorie intake: 1,579
Week 6 avg. calorie intake: 1,603
Week 7 avg. calorie intake: 1,613
Week 8 avg. calorie intake: 1,539
Week 9 avg. calorie intake: 1,564
Week 10 avg. calorie intake: 1,523
 
 
Moment(s) I am proud of: Falling during a run and getting back up again and finishing.  I also wore a favorite fall(ish) skirt and shirt duo this past week that hasn't seen the light of day since my first pregnancy... which means I am seven years out of fashion.  lol...  I can also hook my bra on the tightest set of hooks.  Shhhh...
 
 
Nutritional changes/observations: I was very inconsistent with water this week.  The scale yo-yo'd by at least two pounds every day.  Interesting...
 
 
What hurts: My left knee is still barking whenever I climb stairs or get down on my knees on the floor.  My lower right back still hurts - a lot.  I took Thursday very easy - didn't even get my 10K steps in, and then on Friday I was back at it.  A long walk and short run, involving a long, steep hill.  The way down felt great, I felt it in my knee on the way back up, and the finishing run was excruciating on my lower back of all things...  Saturday I took it easy, my main exercise was tearing out 500 sq. ft. of carpeting and Pergo flooring.  Lots of up and down on my knee(s).  But I put on the tunes and worked through it.
 
 
Confessional: Dean and Jordan went camping this weekend, and brought back two bags of left-over chocolates for S'mores.  I had 5 before I could stop myself.  It made up half of my lunch!!!   Next time, I am going to request that he distribute the candy among the scouts instead of bringing it home.  That stuff is lethal.  But so good...
 
 
Deep thoughts from exercise delirium: Why is it on the days proceeding good workout/eating days the scale does the opposite of what it should be doing, and after the crappy days it does vice versa?
 
 
My goal for next week: I've got 175 in my sights... That was my weight before Owen came along. Surgery is in 10 DAYS!  It got moved up to the morning of the 10th.  

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Working through pain

So I fell yesterday morning.  As I finished my run and limped through my cool-down, I realized - gosh!  This really hurts!  And so, to feel better, I totally forgot about the things I should have done - like ice and ibuprofen, and instead made some coffee and poked around on Pinterest. 
 
Yesterday's activities included a hike with our Girl Scout troop.  That was the first thing that came to mind after I fell - "gee, this is not going to feel good in a few hours when it is time to hike".  But commitment to fitness means you do it anyway, unless it will do more damage in the long run.  In this case, I was sure that getting out there and moving was going to help sort things out a bit - inside and out.  Gusto, people!  Is there beautiful blue sky and warm sunshine outside?  Then GET OUT THERE and enjoy it!  And so we did.
 
I am grateful for the mindshift I've experienced over the past couple of months.  It has changed me, for the better.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Blood, Sweat and Tears

 
I took my first tumble this morning.  I say 'first' because I am clumsy, and I am sure there will be more...  I was nearing the end of my walk/run, where I run down a long straight street for a half mile, then pass through a walkway and turn a sharp corner onto a busy street to head for home.  I was at the end, making my turn when my right foot hit a tuft of grass near the edge of the sidewalk and down I went.  Left knee down, both hands bracing me, chin hit the pavement and my right leg swung upward towards the sky because, you know... I was running.  The momentum was hard to stop - I almost did a somersault.  So here is the damage report: scraped palms, skinned left knee, torqued back from the leg swing, my recently operated-on shoulder took a lot more shock absorption then it should have, and a scraped chin from kissing the pavement.  Everything hurts.  But I am happy.  I didn't tear my running pants.  I would have been all kinds of pissed if that had happened.  I also kept running.  I petted the dog, assured her that she was not at fault, got up and ran some more.  Another half mile!  That is the furthest I have been able to make it yet!
 
Thank god tomorrow is a rest day...

Monday, September 23, 2013

The. Best. News. Ever.

 
 
After waiting a long, long, time for my insurance company to reverse its decision (is it okay to call 71 days interminable?), I got the news I've been waiting a lifetime to hear: "After reviewing the information submitted with your appeal request, and the terms of your benefit plan, I am pleased to let you know that on September 16th, 2013, I have approved coverage for procedure code blah-blah blah...."
 
I cried a little.  Okay.  A lot.  And then I got butterflies.  And then I jumped up and down.  (with care).  And then I freaked out.  And then I pulled out the calendar, called the plastic surgeon and asked WHEN?????
 
Oct. 11th.
 
 
jeepers!

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Weekly Weigh-in: WEEK 9

 
Starting weight: 192.0  lbs
 
Week 1 weight: 190.5 lbs (loss of 1.5)
Week 2 weight: 188.0 lbs (loss of 2.5)
Week 3 weight: 187.0 lbs (loss of 1.0)
Week 4 weight: 186.0 lbs (loss of 1.0)
Week 5 weight: 184.0 lbs (loss of 2.0)
Week 6 weight: 181.3 lbs (loss of 2.7)
Week 7 weight: 179.4 lbs (loss of 1.9)
Week 8 weight: 179.6 lbs (gain of 0.2)
Week 9 weight: 179.0 lbs (loss of 0.6)

Total loss: 13.0 lbs
 
 
Week 1 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 2 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 3 inches lost: 1.25"
Week 4 inches lost: 1.5"
Week 5 inches lost: 1.5"
Week 6 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 7 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 8 inches lost: 0"
Week 9 inches lost: 0.25"

Total loss: 7.5"

 
Week 1 Steps/Miles: 106,731 / 45.89 mi.
Week 2 Steps/Miles: 109,858 / 48.48 mi.
Week 3 Steps/Miles: 102,225 / 50.13 mi.
Week 4 Steps/Miles/Running: 104,213 / 49.63 mi. walking and 1.6 mi. running!!
Week 5 Steps/Miles/Running:   96,139 / 47.10 mi. walking
Week 6 Steps/Miles/Running:   99,991/  49.01 mi. walking and 0.5 mi. running
Week 7 Steps/Miles/Running:   83,568/  40.92 mi. walking and 0   mi. running
Week 8 Steps/Miles/Running:   57,164/  27.99 mi. walking and 0   mi. running
Week 9 Steps/Miles/Running:   77,896/  38.76 mi. walking and 0   mi. running
 
Week 1 avg. calorie intake: 1,955
Week 2 avg. calorie intake: 1,621  (much better - I met this week's goal!)
Week 3 avg. calorie intake: 1,823  (yikes!)
Week 4 avg. calorie intake: 1,745
Week 5 avg. calorie intake: 1,579
Week 6 avg. calorie intake: 1,603
Week 7 avg. calorie intake: 1,613
Week 8 avg. calorie intake: 1,539
Week 9 avg. calorie intake: 1,564
 
 
Moment(s) I am proud of: Umm.  This is sad... nothing stands out here.  I guess the bright spot this week was a nice walk I took around the lake we were camping at this weekend - so this would be yesterday.  I left Dean and the kids fishing by the campsite, and I took off with Abby the dog and walked around the lake.  It wasn't a very vigorous walk, but at least I got it in.
 
 
Nutritional changes/observations: I am happy that I have been getting some good caloric averages for the past month.  My body seems to have adjusted to this level quite well.
 
 
What hurts: I felt pretty good this week, with all of the non exercise I was getting!  (Gee - I think I said the same thing last week, lol...)
 
 
Confessional: A lousy beginning to the week with cold temps and rain, and then too little sleep which meant I didn't get up in time to get my longer walks in before the kids got up.
 
 
Deep thoughts from exercise delirium: no delirium this week either.  :(
 
 
My goal for next week: Work harder.  A lot harder. (that sounds familiar....)  But now I have a goal in mind - with surgery on the near horizon, I want to drop to 175 beforehand!

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Weekly Weigh-in: WEEK 8

 
 

Starting weight: 192.0  lbs
 
Week 1 weight: 190.5 lbs (loss of 1.5)
Week 2 weight: 188.0 lbs (loss of 2.5)
Week 3 weight: 187.0 lbs (loss of 1.0)
Week 4 weight: 186.0 lbs (loss of 1.0)
Week 5 weight: 184.0 lbs (loss of 2.0)
Week 6 weight: 181.3 lbs (loss of 2.7)
Week 7 weight: 179.4 lbs (loss of 1.9)
Week 8 weight: 179.6 lbs (gain of 0.2)

Total loss: 12.4 lbs
 
 
Week 1 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 2 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 3 inches lost: 1.25"
Week 4 inches lost: 1.5"
Week 5 inches lost: 1.5"
Week 6 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 7 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 8 inches lost: 0"

Total loss: 7.25"

 
Week 1 Steps/Miles: 106,731 / 45.89 mi.
Week 2 Steps/Miles: 109,858 / 48.48 mi.
Week 3 Steps/Miles: 102,225 / 50.13 mi.
Week 4 Steps/Miles/Running: 104,213 / 49.63 mi. walking and 1.6 mi. running!!
Week 5 Steps/Miles/Running:   96,139 / 47.10 mi. walking
Week 6 Steps/Miles/Running:   99,991/  49.01 mi. walking and 0.5 mi. running
Week 7 Steps/Miles/Running:   83,568/  40.92 mi. walking and 0   mi. running
Week 8 Steps/Miles/Running:   57,164/  27.99 mi. walking and 0   mi. running
 
Week 1 avg. calorie intake: 1,955
Week 2 avg. calorie intake: 1,621  (much better - I met this week's goal!)
Week 3 avg. calorie intake: 1,823 (yikes!)
Week 4 avg. calorie intake: 1,745
Week 5 avg. calorie intake: 1,579
Week 6 avg. calorie intake: 1,603
Week 7 avg. calorie intake: 1,613
Week 8 avg. calorie intake: 1,539
 
 
Moment(s) I am proud of: Umm.  Not a good week at all.  I guess I am proudest of getting out and getting a decent walk in on Thursday evening, with Dean, despite the rain.  We were absolutely soaked to the bone when we got home.  As you can see, the numbers are terrible this week.  The rain has been incessant for most of the week, and made getting out and walking not the most desirable thing to do.  It sure does make that elliptical option look better and better!  I guess that I feel pretty good that despite getting about half the amount of exercise I am used to, my weight barely fluctuated.  I'll call it a win, in this case.
 
 
Nutritional changes/observations: Less output = less input = maintain weight.
 
 
What hurts: I felt pretty good this week, with all of the non exercise I was getting!
 
 
Confessional: Totally did not get my steps in this week, again, this time due to rain.  I could have pulled out the exercise videos or something, but I only like doing them when nobody else is around.  Which is impossible in this house.
 
 
Deep thoughts from exercise delirium: no delirium this week.  :(
 
 
My goal for next week: Work harder.  A lot harder. (that sounds familiar....)


Sunday, September 8, 2013

Weekly Weigh-in: WEEK 7

 
 

Starting weight: 192.0  lbs
 
Week 1 weight: 190.5 lbs (loss of 1.5)
Week 2 weight: 188.0 lbs (loss of 2.5)
Week 3 weight: 187.0 lbs (loss of 1.0)
Week 4 weight: 186.0 lbs (loss of 1.0)
Week 5 weight: 184.0 lbs (loss of 2.0)
Week 6 weight: 181.3 lbs (loss of 2.7)
Week 7 weight: 179.4 lbs (loss of 1.9)

Total loss: 12.6 lbs
 
 
Week 1 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 2 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 3 inches lost: 1.25"
Week 4 inches lost: 1.5"
Week 5 inches lost: 1.5"
Week 6 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 7 inches lost: 0.75"

Total loss: 7.25"

 
Week 1 Steps/Miles: 106,731 / 45.89 mi.
Week 2 Steps/Miles: 109,858 / 48.48 mi.
Week 3 Steps/Miles: 102,225 / 50.13 mi.
Week 4 Steps/Miles/Running: 104,213 / 49.63 mi. walking and 1.6 mi. running!!
Week 5 Steps/Miles/Running:   96,139 / 47.10 mi. walking
Week 6 Steps/Miles/Running:   99,991/  49.01 mi. walking and 0.5 mi. running
Week 7 Steps/Miles/Running:   83,568/  40.92 mi. walking and 0   mi. running
 
Week 1 avg. calorie intake: 1,955
Week 2 avg. calorie intake: 1,621  (much better - I met this week's goal!)
Week 3 avg. calorie intake: 1,823 (yikes!)
Week 4 avg. calorie intake: 1,745
Week 5 avg. calorie intake: 1,579
Week 6 avg. calorie intake: 1,603
Week 7 avg. calorie intake: 1,613
 
 
Moment(s) I am proud of: Working in every opportunity to get some exercise this week, I decided to bike with the kids to a picnic that was across town.  Well...truth be told, it was decided for me because Dean needed the car that evening, but I was already thinking in that direction anyway.  We had a fun ride there and back.  On the way home, it was dark, but Jordan and I had head lamps strapped to our helmets.  Rylan rode her own bike, and I pulled the boys in the trailer.  Since it was after dark, we encountered several sprinkler systems along the way, getting a rather cool shower in the process - it was fun.  :)

I also used the exercise room at the hotel we stayed in on Tuesday morning.  That was a first.  I chose to use the elliptical, since another lady was already using the treadmill.  She was from Texas.  I chatted with her for a couple minutes, then I slipped on my headphones.  I hoped I didn't appear rude - I just needed to focus on the beat - an elliptical is hard to keep a steady pace on!  I liked it very much though.  I think I am putting an elliptical machine on the short list for a future purchase with winter just around the corner..

Another thing I am proud of is the three straight hours of swimming we all did on Monday night.  We stayed at a hotel with a fantastic pool complex, with tons of water slides and stuff to do.  I used to be the mom that stayed on the sidelines and watched the kids play - but I can't really do that in a place like this.  GUSTO!  Get in and have fun!  And I did.
 
 
Nutritional changes/observations: The beginning of this week was rough.  Three solid days on not hitting my exercise mark, and eating on the road.  We did our best to eat within our calorie limits - but there is something about vacation and the mental cue to abandon all reason because - "Hey!  I'm on vacation!"  On that note... the ice cream that is sold at Mt. Rushmore is very, very good.  I didn't get my own cone, but shared a little bit off of each of the kids.  Chocolate Mint.  Oh.  My.  Word.
 
 
What hurts: Still struggling with the head cold/coughing cycle.  I am in my second week of it.  It has really drained my energy.
 
 
Confessional: Totally did not get my steps in this week.  Sunday and Monday mornings, Dean and I got up and walked the grounds of Fort Robinson, NE, where we were staying.  A beautiful place, with rolling hills and dirt roads.  We just didn't get up early enough to get in as much as we needed, which was a shame.  Monday afternoon we drove north up to Custer State Park, and did Wind Cave Nat'l Park.  Again, even though there was lots of walking involved, it was either hot, or we were on a cave tour, and that isn't conducive to a workout, per se.  When we got home on Tuesday night, and Wednesday was insanely busy and was the first day I didn't break a sweat.  I broke my streak of 52 days STRAIGHT of breaking as sweat.  I was really sad about that.  :(
 
 
Deep thoughts from exercise delirium: The only time I really hit that high was on the elliptical on Tuesday.  And my only thought was - I forgot my %$*&#! water bottle!
 
 
My goal for next week: Work harder.  A lot harder.


Sunday, September 1, 2013

Weekly Weigh-in: WEEK 6

 
 

Starting weight: 192.0  lbs
 
Week 1 weight: 190.5 lbs (loss of 1.5)
Week 2 weight: 188.0 lbs (loss of 2.5)
Week 3 weight: 187.0 lbs (loss of 1.0)
Week 4 weight: 186.0 lbs (loss of 1.0)
Week 5 weight: 184.0 lbs (loss of 2.0)
Week 6 weight: 181.3 lbs (loss of 2.7)

Total loss: 10.7 lbs
 
 
Week 1 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 2 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 3 inches lost: 1.25"
Week 4 inches lost: 1.5"
Week 5 inches lost: 1.5"
Week 6 inches lost: 0.75"

Total loss: 6.5"

 
Week 1 Steps/Miles: 106,731 / 45.89 mi.
Week 2 Steps/Miles: 109,858 / 48.48 mi.
Week 3 Steps/Miles: 102,225 / 50.13 mi.
Week 4 Steps/Miles/Running: 104,213 / 49.63 mi. walking and 1.6 mi. running!!
Week 5 Steps/Miles/Running:   96,139 / 47.10 mi. walking
Week 6 Steps/Miles/Running:   99,991/  49.01 mi. walking and 0.5 mi. running
 
Week 1 avg. calorie intake: 1,955
Week 2 avg. calorie intake: 1,621  (much better - I met this week's goal!)
Week 3 avg. calorie intake: 1,823 (yikes!)
Week 4 avg. calorie intake: 1,745
Week 5 avg. calorie intake: 1,579
Week 6 avg. calorie intake: 1,603
 
 
Moment I am proud of: Despite attending a potluck early in the week, it was relatively easy to keep the calories under control.  Even at the dessert table.  :)
 
 
Nutritional changes/observations: The last day of this week was the beginning of our vacation.  It is damn near impossible to eat clean when part of your diet consists of a meal that is consumed at a 'country kitchen' type place.
 
 
What hurts: My lungs.  I find it ridiculously ironic that I make a post about the pleasant ache of breathing hard during a run, and then I get sick.  A head cold for one day, which migrates to the chest almost immediately.  It is allergies for the most part.  The constant drainage is maddening.  It has been a difficult week to keep up the momentum.
 
 
Confessional: Not enough time in the preparation for healthy snacks on the road.  :(
 
 
Deep thoughts from exercise delirium: Exercising while coughing is ridiculously hard.
 
 
My goal for next week: To not completely bail from the healthy wagon on the rest of this trip.  And for this cough to. go. away.


Monday, August 26, 2013

Inflated

 
 
 
Inhale...exhale
 
 
For someone who has had pneumonia twice in the past few years, fully inflated lungs is a pretty exhilarating feeling.  I love the sensation of the slight ache that remains for hours after you exercised.  Every deep breath you take, your lungs remind you - Hey!  You worked hard today!
You. are. awesome.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Weekly Weigh-in: WEEK 5

 


Starting weight: 192.0  lbs
 
Week 1 weight: 190.5 lbs (loss of 1.5)
Week 2 weight: 188.0 lbs (loss of 2.5)
Week 3 weight: 187.0 lbs (loss of 1.0)
Week 4 weight: 186.0 lbs (loss of 1.0)
Week 5 weight: 184.0 lbs (loss of 2.0)

Total loss: 8 lbs
 
 
Week 1 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 2 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 3 inches lost: 1.25"
Week 4 inches lost: 1.5"
Week 5 inches lost: 1.5"

Total loss: 5.75"

 
Week 1 Steps/Miles: 106,731 / 45.89 mi.
Week 2 Steps/Miles: 109,858 / 48.48 mi.
Week 3 Steps/Miles: 102,225 / 50.13 mi.
Week 4 Steps/Miles/Running: 104,213 / 49.63 mi. walking and 1.6 mi. running!!
Week 5 Steps/Miles/Running:   96,139 / 47.10 mi. walking / beginner Pilates 1x

 
Week 1 avg. calorie intake: 1,955
Week 2 avg. calorie intake: 1,621  (much better - I met this week's goal!)
Week 3 avg. calorie intake: 1,823 (yikes!)
Week 4 avg. calorie intake: 1,745
Week 5 avg. calorie intake: 1,579
 
 
Moment I am proud of: Not really a 'moment' this week, but I am proud that my calorie intake is right where I want it for the time being.  This was a tough week in that respect, because it was that time in my monthly cycle, and yes, I HAD to have some chocolate.  Okay.  A lot of chocolate.
 
 
Nutritional changes/observations: My food mood totally changed this week, and Dean noticed that his did too.  I could not stop nibbling.  All. week. long.  I am totally amazed, though that my calorie count came out as it did.  You wouldn't think it with all of the time I kept making trips to the kitchen... :(
 
 
What hurts: Nothing really stands out here, so I suppose that is a good thing!!  lol..
 
 
Confessional: Not really a confession but an observation.  Giving in to your cravings just a little bit does tend to ward off a full-blown binge.
 
 
Deep thoughts from exercise delirium: Exercising every day and eating mindfully does totally tune you in to how your body feels.  I could totally tell when my period was going to arrive.  There was the cramping day.  Then the bloating day.  The other bloating day.  Then the give me chocolate or I will hurt you day.  The do I have to get out of bed day.  The there is nothing in the cupboards to eat day.  The I wish I was in menopause day.  The is it over YET? day.  Then the miracle two days where you drop three pounds of water gain.  The you get to enjoy 22 days of relative freedom before you have to go through it all over again.  Good times.
 
 
My goal for next week: Totally did not meet my goal last week of running for 4 days and getting an exercise ball.  Given how I felt and how much my inner voice protested, it was a miracle I got out of the house at all.  So this week's goal is a repeat of last week.  Run 4 times during my walks, and get an exercise ball.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Weekly Weigh-in: WEEK 4

 
 

Starting weight: 192.0  lbs
 
Week 1 weight: 190.5 lbs (loss of 1.5)
Week 2 weight: 188.0 lbs (loss of 2.5)
Week 3 weight: 187.0 lbs (loss of 1.0)
Week 4 weight: 186.0 lbs (loss of 1.0)

Total loss: 6 lbs
 
 
Week 1 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 2 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 3 inches lost: 1.25"
Week 4 inches lost: 1.5"

Total loss: 4.25"

 
Week 1 Steps/Miles: 106,731 / 45.89 mi.
Week 2 Steps/Miles: 109,858 / 48.48 mi.
Week 3 Steps/Miles: 102,225 / 50.13 mi.
Week 4 Steps/Miles/Running: 104,213 / 49.63 mi. walking and 1.6 mi. running!!

 
Week 1 avg. calorie intake: 1,955
Week 2 avg. calorie intake: 1,621  (much better - I met this week's goal!)
Week 3 avg. calorie intake: 1,823 (yikes!)
Week 4 avg. calorie intake: 1,745
 
 
Moment I am proud of: Running! Bounce be damned - when the mood strikes, I'm running.  I ran 0.5 miles as part of my walk three days in a row.  That is about all I can manage right now, without passing out.  But I'm doing it!  I am also celebrating 30 straight days of exercising and breaking a sweat - on average 45 minutes per day.  I don't feel 'right' until I've had my walk.
 
 
Nutritional changes/observations: No real changes this week.  On the days that I exercise in the range of 60 minutes, I do take in closer to 1800-1900 calories, and less on the days when I am in the 30-45 minute range.  I've also noticed that my stomach has shrunk considerably - smaller meals in greater frequency is what I am trending towards.  I have also noticed that I prefer that slightly hungry feeling now, over feeling full.
 
 
What hurts: The bursitis in my right hip is rearing it's ugly head, but I am working through it.  It mostly bothers me when I get up first thing in the morning, and then when I get up from sitting longer than 10 minutes.  I am also having issues with my right arch, despite the orthotics.  It might be time to revisit the doctor and get refitted.  I find it amusing in the morning, when Dean and I hobble around for the first couple of minutes of the day.  I hope we never have to fly out of bed in an emergency...we wouldn't be able to move very fast!
 
 
Confessional: A single dip of chocolate-orange Walrus ice cream.  And you know what?  It didn't even taste that good... :(  At a whopping 400 calories, it was. not. worth. it.
 
 
Deep thoughts from exercise delirium: Since I am actively exercising now and more attuned to it, there seems to be an awful lot of backlash on Facebook about women starving themselves and punishing their psyche just to be thin(ner).  I don't feel that I am punishing myself.  I don't deprive, I don't give in to negative self-talk and what I am doing feels right.  FOR ME.  That's right, it's allllll about me.  :) 
 
 
My goal for next week: I met my goal for last week!  I dropped another pound, and my BMI adjusted downward from the 'obese' range into the 'overweight' range.  Yay!  My goal this week is to run that 1/2 mile stretch for 4 days, and to purchase an exercise ball, and begin working with it.  The kids popped my last one.

Friday, August 16, 2013

So happy to be overweight!

 
I did it! The scale hit 186 and I dropped down into a whole new color range! It will take another 25 lbs before I reach the 'normal' BMI range. But that's far down the road. Today I celebrate the end of my obesity!

And not with a hot fudge sundae... ;)

But with a pair of these:



Skirt Sports: Lotta Breeze Capri
Happy Birthday to me! (Thank you mom and dad for the birthday $$!)

Monday, August 12, 2013

Weekly Weigh-in: WEEK 3

 
 
Starting weight: 192.0  lbs
 
Week 1 weight: 190.5 lbs (loss of 1.5)
Week 2 weight: 188.0 lbs (loss of 2.5)
Week 3 weight: 187.0 lbs (loss of 1.0)

Total loss: 5 lbs
 
 
Week 1 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 2 inches lost: 0.75"
Week 3 inches lost: 1.25"

Total loss: 2.75"

 
Week 1 Steps/Miles: 106,731 / 45.89 mi.
Week 2 Steps/Miles: 109,858 / 48.48 mi.
Week 3 Steps/Miles: 102,225/ 50.13 mi.

 
Week 1 avg. calorie intake: 1,955
Week 2 avg. calorie intake: 1,621  (much better - I met this week's goal!)
Week 3 avg. calorie intake: 1,823 (yikes!)
 
 
Moment I am proud of: Hiking 4 miles on my birthday (Thursday), and it did not feel like 4 miles at all - it was a breeze!
 
 
Nutritional changes/observations: It is best to let close friends and family know that you are changing what you eat, so that they don't inadvertently tempt you with stuff you shouldn't be eating.
 
 
What hurts: my calves (still), and my toes from my hiking boots.  My boots felt great on the way up, but I kept slipping forward in the toe box on the way down, and my toes are still sore.  I also have a blister on the back of one of my heels that won't heal over.  My heel rubbed all the way through the lining in my shoe, exposing the plastic support in the heel cup, which produced a blister.  I walked in sandals for two days, which felt very similar to walking in sand.  My entire lower leg was aching.  Now I am wearing a band aid, covered with duct tape, every time I walk.  I also repadded the heel of the shoe and covered that in duct tape.  It's time for new shoes - luckily I have some birthday money to spend!
 
 
Confessional: Thursday was my birthday, and I ate like it was my birthday, lol!
 
 
Deep thoughts from exercise delirium: I so want to run... I'm working into the runner's high range, and I really want to run.
 
 
My goal for next week: Get the calorie intake back under control, and lose at least one more pound.  I am currently at a BMI of 30.2 - if I go under 30, I drop down from the 'obese' range into the 'overweight' range.  Each 0.5 lbs is about a tenth of a percentage point of the BMI at this point.


Pendulous




"Do your boobs hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them over your shoulder like a Continental soldier?
Do your boobs hang low?

Do your boobs stretch wide?
Do they reach from side to side?
Can you use them as a parachute,
or as wings that let you glide?
Can you cast a cooling shadow over most of Colorado?
Do you boobs stretch wide?

Are your boobs too big?
Are they heavy as a pig?
Do they bruise your cerebellum,
when you dance an Irish jig?
Can they function as the anchors for a fleet of oil tankers?
Are your boobs too big?
-sung to the tune Do Your Ears Hang Low?
The answer is yes, yes, and yes.
 
Pendulous. I hate that word. It ranks right up there with 'obese' in my personal list of obnoxious words. But it is an effective way to describe breasts that have become friends with your belly button. In fact, my OBGYN did a beautiful job of using 'pendulous' in a letter that she wrote for me, on my behalf, explaining to my insurance company WHY they should cover the cost of a surgical procedure that I have been wanting and waiting for - for over half of my life.
 
Twenty four years is a long time to live with large breasts. Well, they were large. Now, after three pregnancies they are XXXL - size 38E to be exact. Oh yes, ladies, the alphabet doesn't stop at triple D. It just keeps going, and going, and going. When I read this letter that my doctor wrote, I felt a sense of shame that cut so deep I am not sure I can ever let it go. How did I go from a generously endowed 16 yr old, to a woman who can't see her stomach because her boobs are in the way?
 
About a year ago I began to seriously investigate what it would take to get a breast reduction. I was done having kids. I was tired of the incredible back aches, shoulder aches, underwires, bra + sports bra to keep things in place, shoulder grooves, specialty big bras that cost a small fortune, constant visits to the chiropractor, and the inability/reluctance to do anything that induced 'bounce'. No dancing, jogging, jumping, or hopping. I read through what the insurance company's policy was, what they required for documentation, and I started jumping through the hoops. I didn't really have too much extra to do - I was already in physical therapy for my shoulder anyway. They also require evidence of shoulder grooving, pain, treatments, and a scaled percentage of what needs to be removed. I went for a pre-consult with my plastic surgeon in early June. I was in tremendous pain. My bra strap went right over the surgical site where they debrided my AC joint. It was (and still is) excruciating. Pictures were taken and I spent the next three weeks gathering my letters of recommendation for breast reduction - five letters in all. The whole package was submitted to my insurance company on July 8th. A few days later I received a rejection letter, dated July 9th.
 
I was devastated. I thought I was an absolute shoo-in! Among other things, the letter stated that there was no evidence of shoulder grooving.
HERE is your evidence!
 
I took this just now. It is 8:58 a.m. I took my bra off at 9:30 last night, when I changed into pjs for bed. So that is 11.5 hours without a bra, and the groove is there, as plain as day. My bras have left a physical imprint on my skin for as long as I can remember. The letter stated that my PS's surgical plan for tissue removal was under the required amount (600 g, each side, in my case) and it also said that there is no documentation that my 'physical discomfort' has no other causal connection. Bullshit. There was also no effort on my part to use medication to regulate my pain. w.t.f. So I am supposed to pop pills for the rest of my life and ignore the elephant in the room that just happens to be a permanent part of my chest?
 
I want a breast reduction. Not for cosmetic reasons, but for quality of life reasons. My PS resubmitted my request, and I am now entering week 3 of a 30-day appeal waiting period. I am pissed. I had set aside the whole month of August for the surgery and the initial recovery period. My case is cut and dry! I have wanted this, and dreamed of this for years. It is painful to walk around with this much weight hanging from your chest wall, day after day, year after year. It messes with your spine, your neck and your shoulders. It interferes with breathing, and it restricts your movement.
 
My frustration is what has fueled my walks as of late. I have imaginary conversations with the evil insurance people. I threaten to take a roll of duct tape and strap on 3 lb (5 lbs would be better) hand weights to their chest and then make them jog down the street or jump rope. Even better would to make fake silicone breasts and make them wear a bra everyday, lugging around all that weight for the next 24 years - and tell them to pop some aspirin and get over it. Bastards.
 
I know I sound bitter. And I know I had a role in this, too. But I can't control for the genetics part of the equation, or for what three pregnancies did to my body. I have lost five pounds in the past three weeks. Know where it came from? From the waist down. So the magical advice that I just need to lose some weight doesn't apply here. They are not going to all of a sudden shrink in size. There is also the connection between exercise intensity and burning fat. I can't increase my intensity if I can't jog, hop, dance and so forth. I can't do those things when I have these boobs flopping all around - even while wearing a bra and TWO sports bras. So I am at an impass.

My journey here is two-fold - dropping the weight and getting the breast reduction done. As each day passes, my inner-panic increases that I will be denied, again. I'm trying to stay positive, but it's hard.